i'm over it.

I'm so worried that I cannot hold on anymore. I guess nothing helps...

I'm so trapped. I don't know where I'm heading.

I dislike myself for being a MelPhleg for my temperament. I'm only interested in peacing out conflicts, and I overlook my feelings and stand, doing things that everyone perceives as right. End up, I am not standing on firm ground, and it is so insecure.

Sometimes it is great to have a perfectionist mindset, but should we consider other people's weaknesses when we are working as a team?

I find it so tiring to see things going haywire and nobody cares... Why should I care right?

Was told to be more selfish, and let the others die if they just don't want to do their part. Yeah, maybe. If they do not even want to save themselves, why should I care? If i were the one wasting away in the real corporate world, nobody will give a damn about me either. And the merrier they will be; since another competitor is off-track.

Should I take it this way, like my friend said, that I will learn more things, gain more experience and confidence while I am playing my part seriously; or taking up others' share of work when they are wasting away... Maybe I will be happier this way.

Some lessons on life... Be selfish. It's either you survive or you die. And even if you die, nobody will shed a tear. Backstabbing, a way of survival. Independence; you can only rely on yourself, because there is unlikely to have anyone trustworthy. Cowardice is intolerable. We do not expect chickens in the corporate world.

Will I be able to master all these and be shrewd? Maybe I must. Since isn't everyone doing the same thing?

I guess we have lost faith... don't leave me out. take me away? I can't endure on the inside anymore...